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Liquid Love is prison slang for semen. It’s also a prison disguised as a bar in Bed Stuy.
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Can’t even nap on the subways anymore
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On Saturday night I watched a drunk guy crash on his bike on Wythe Ave. It reminded me of the time I rode the hand rail down the staircase in the Canal St. subway station and was going too fast for a proper dismount. What I’m trying to say is that I love watching people get hurt as much they love watching me get hurt.
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Electric Dick Causes Asthma Attack
Everyone that lives in New York knows that out of town visitors means you’re forced to go on vacation in your own city and spend next months rent money. That is unless you have a parent come to town to pay all your expenses, which I did over the weekend.
When my father comes to town I only want to take him to the best places, and there’s only two that I know of, Sammy’s Roumanian Steakhouse and The Slipper Room. Sammy’s was per usual: great Jewish food, great atmosphere, and great music by the one and only (still the one, the only) Dani Luv whom is the very essence of what healthy looking is not, but he’s still hands down the best entertainer in the city. Speaking of great entertainers in the city… We saw a magic show at The Slipper Room. The Slipper Room is known for its cute hipster ladies doing their burlesque bits plus a few odd acts and a raunchy host.
What a perfect combo!
Well the odd act on this night was no let down. The magician plugged an apparatus into the wall that electrified his whole body. He made a few sparks and awed the crowd. Cool trick. Then he stripped down naked, and proceeded to light a kerosene soaked torch on fire via a spark that came soaring out of his fully exposed johnson. It was this that gave my father an asthma attack from laughing.
Great success. Great weekend. I guess there is just a glimpse of happiness in this city after all.
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“Yeah, well this is an official Looney Tunes jacket.”
But hey, I know serious fashion when I see it.
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Even the MTA office in the Bedford L stop has to be uber hipster. It’s called technology and we’ve come a long way in the past 30 years.
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All Aboard the Sleepy Train!
I didn’t even blink on this train because I was afraid I would fall into a deep slumber and wake up on the last stop on the 1 train, and we all know that would be an epic nightmare becoming a harsh reality.
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Dick in box.
(Thanks to my most loathsome contributor, Alexis Anderson)
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At last, they make bicycle seats that let your vagina breathe.
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Not My Money
Today as I entered the Union Square subway I saw a tourist drop what looked to be three $20 bills. Being the honorable, upstanding citizen that I am I picked up his money and ran to him yelling that he dropped it. Now, out of left field, some borderline homeless man starts yelling at me to give me back his money, that he dropped it. We must’ve seen the tourist drop it at the same time. I told the hobo, “Get outta my face!,” and then to the tourist, “Sir, did you drop money?” This went on for a few seconds and the young vagabond kept pestering me and trying to take the money out of my hands. Of course I resisted with my hand in his face. Finally, the tourist said, “Nope, not my money.” Oh… Well… Shit… I ended up giving the money to the undeserving bum whom I am 99.9% sure did not drop the money. So for all you bums out there that are reading this right now, I’m sorry. I was going to split the money between you all but this guy ruined it. If you want to kill him he was wearing a dark hoody with a dark baseball cap. Good luck in finding him. Sorry again.
